A narcissist needs to control everything and get attention from you constantly, even when you’re not with them. They try to influence and manipulate you to stay in control. Texting is one of their favorite ways to do this. When they can’t control you in person, they use texting to manipulate and keep you under their influence. This article will explain how they use texting to achieve that.
Number 1: They text you whenever they want to text you.
A narcissist texts you all the time and expects your full attention, no matter what you’re doing. They don’t respect your boundaries. They don’t care if you’re sleeping, working, or busy with something important. All that matters to them is that you’re paying attention to them.
Why? Because they feel like they own you. In their mind, you belong to them, so your time and attention should always be on them.
This makes it hard for you to focus on anything else—your job, your daily tasks, even your own needs. If your attention shifts away from them, they see it as disloyal or like you’re doing something wrong.
You start feeling anxious and glued to your phone, afraid of missing their messages. You never know when they’ll text or how quickly you’ll need to respond.
In the beginning, the texting feels exciting and intense. They message you all day and night, and it seems like they’re really interested in you. But that’s not the case—they just want control. They flood you with attention to pull you in and trap you emotionally.
Once they’ve got you hooked, they lose interest. Suddenly, they stop texting as much or at all. You’re left feeling confused, anxious, and emotionally drained.
They basically trained your mind and body to crave their texts. Now that they’ve pulled away, you’re stuck dealing with stress, anxiety, and emotional pain on your own. Their texting habits actually mess with your nervous system and how your body reacts.
Number 2: Making you feel ignored by not responding.
A narcissist will often stay on their phone when they’re with you, texting other people and acting like you don’t matter. They might be online while you’re online too, but they won’t reply to your messages. When you’re waiting for a response, they ignore you on purpose—and that hurts your self-esteem.
When they do this, they’re showing you that you don’t matter to them as much as they matter to you. They don’t care about your feelings or your presence. They don’t see you as someone valuable. To them, they’ve already “won” by getting your attention and locking you in. So now, they feel like they don’t have to try anymore.
This is one of their ways of putting you down, so that you keep chasing them. You start wondering, Did I do something wrong? Why are they ignoring me? Should I change something about myself to make them care again?
You keep hoping they’ll go back to being the person they were at the beginning. But that hope is part of the trap. It’s how they keep you stuck, blaming yourself while they pull away and devalue you.
Number 3: S£xting.
S£xting is another way a narcissist uses texting to control and manipulate. There’s nothing wrong with s£xting when both people want it, but with a narcissist, it’s different. They often start sexting very early in the relationship—sometimes right after you first meet. They might send you sexual pictures and expect you to do the same, without asking how you feel or if you’re comfortable. It’s like they want to undress you through texts right away.
This is one of the ways they bring you down. You might go along with the s£xting at first, but later, when they start treating you badly and putting you down, you start feeling ashamed. You blame yourself for joining in and wish you had seen the red flags earlier. But it’s important to understand that this is just one of their tricks—they use it on many people.
They usually have a list of people they do this with. They move from one to another, asking for nude or sexual photos. Once they get what they want, they toss that person aside—until they want something again and come back. It’s a pattern, and they do it to feel powerful and in control.
Number 4: Rare heartfelt conversations.
Sometimes, usually at night or when they feel like it, a narcissist will suddenly start texting you in a fun, charming, and deep way. The conversation feels real and special, like you really connect. You feel noticed and important. But they usually do this for a hidden reason—maybe they’re in a good mood, want something from you, or are trying to stop you from pulling away. It feels genuine, but it’s actually just bait.
This kind of conversation becomes one of those rare moments you hold onto. It made you feel good, so you hope it’ll happen again—but it rarely does. Or if it does, it’s only much later, when they need something and know it won’t be easy to get.
These moments keep you emotionally hooked. You keep going back, hoping to feel that same connection again. It feeds your trauma bond and makes you doubt yourself. You start thinking things like, “Maybe they’re not that bad. Maybe they really do care.”
But the truth is, those texts aren’t really about you. They’re about what they want and how they feel. Once they get what they want, they go back to ignoring or devaluing you.
Number 5: They leave you hanging.
A narcissist will send you a short, meaningless message—like “Good morning”—just to get a reaction from you. When you reply right away, they ignore you. It’s like they’re testing you to see if you’re still there, still hooked. Once they get that reaction, they disappear, almost enjoying the fact that you’re left waiting and wanting more.
This kind of back-and-forth behavior messes with your mind. It drives you crazy because you never know what’s really going on. You don’t know where you stand with them, what the relationship means, or what to expect next. It’s confusing and painful.
If you try to ignore them, they suddenly pop back in with a quick “Hi” or “Good morning” to pull you back. You think maybe they’ve changed, so you respond—but then they vanish again. It becomes a cycle that keeps repeating until you feel drained, lost, and like you’re not even yourself anymore.
Read More: 4 Types of Narcissism You Need To Know.
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