Narcissists project an image of invincibility and omnipotence. They present themselves as untouchable, unaffected by the mundane concerns and feelings that mere mortals experience. Their grandiose sense of self might make them appear as if nothing can dent their armor. However, beneath this impenetrable facade, there are certain experiences that completely destroy this illusion and leave them feeling powerless. Let’s get started.
1. Hating and wanting to hurt or destroy you for exposing them.
Narcissists work hard to create a perfect image of themselves—always the hero, the victim, or the center of attention. It’s like they’re building a fancy tower out of playing cards. They want everyone to admire it. But when someone—like you—comes along and points out that the tower isn’t stable or looks a bit off, they fall apart. It hits them hard, like a punch to the gut. They get defensive, angry, and focus all that energy on you. Their goal becomes to “win” by making you lose.
Here’s the twist: deep down, what really hurts them is being exposed. It’s like a permanent stain they can’t wash away. They may act like they’ve moved on, like they don’t care anymore, but the truth is they do. It bothers them constantly. They think about it late at night, replaying what happened and feeling the sting of their image being damaged. Even if they smile and act like they’ve forgotten, they haven’t. You’re a reminder of the moment they were seen for who they really are—and that thought sticks with them forever.
2. Losing control over you and not being able to use you again.
When a narcissistic parent has been controlling their child’s life for a long time, and that child finally becomes independent, it feels to the parent like they’ve lost their throne. The narcissist feels shaken and deeply upset. They’ve been in charge for so long that the sudden loss of control leaves them confused and desperate. This is even worse when the child becomes financially independent—especially if the narcissist used money to control them. Gaining financial freedom feels like breaking free from heavy chains.
I remember when I first started earning money, and my father didn’t take it well. He actually said, “You should be struggling right now, not earning.” I could see clearly that he was scared—scared of losing control over me. That’s what it was really about. Narcissists hate when they can’t call the shots anymore. They feel like their power is slipping away, and that’s something they can’t handle.
Narcissists like it when people depend on them and follow their lead. So when someone becomes independent, it’s like a direct hit to the image they’ve built of themselves. It hurts their ego and bursts the bubble they live in. It’s like cutting off their air—they panic and try everything they can to get back the control they lost.
They can’t stand the idea that someone they used to control is now living well without them. It leaves them feeling empty and powerless. And I know all this because it’s exactly what my narcissistic family is showing me right now.
3. They can’t find the energy that you gave them.
Narcissists are like sunflowers always turning toward the sun, needing light and warmth. For them, the “sun” is the attention and admiration they get from others. This praise makes them feel important and feeds their belief that they’re special. But when that attention goes away, it’s like they’re stuck in a long, cold night. Without that admiration, they feel empty and crave more attention to feel whole again.
Not long ago, my narcissistic mother said to me, “What happened to the son who couldn’t live without me? The one who loved me more than life?” And honestly, she wasn’t wrong. I did love her that much. I couldn’t imagine life without her because of the strong emotional attachment I had—that was my trauma bond and separation anxiety talking. Her questions showed how deeply she was affected by me pulling away from her. To her, it was a huge and painful shift.
For a moment, I felt sad. But just as I started to feel confused about everything again, she did something so hurtful that it reminded me exactly why I had to step away. For narcissists, losing someone who gave them a lot of attention is a big blow. They’ll often try to replace that person, but it never feels the same. No one else gives them that same rush, so they keep chasing it like an illusion.
They can become obsessed with the person they lost. They might stalk them online, ask mutual friends for updates, or spread lies—just like my mother has been doing. She’s been talking to relatives and saying things that just aren’t true. It’s really exhausting and confusing.
Sometimes, they try to recreate that same connection with someone new, but it never quite works. It’s not just about losing the relationship—it’s about losing something they feel was one-of-a-kind. It’s like a collector losing their favorite item. Everything else they have just doesn’t measure up, and they’re constantly aware that something important is missing.
4. Not understanding how you didn’t see how great they are.
In a narcissist’s mind, they’re always the star of the show—the best parent, the best partner, the hero who can do no wrong. They see themselves as way above everyone else. Now imagine how shocked they are when someone doesn’t play along, when someone doesn’t praise them or admire them. To them, it’s like being told the sky is green—it just doesn’t make sense.
Narcissists honestly believe they’re better than everyone. And because of that, they expect others to see it too and praise them for it. So when someone doesn’t, it’s not just surprising—it feels like a personal attack. They can’t understand why anyone wouldn’t be amazed by them. In their heads, they keep thinking, “Why don’t they see how great I am?” And when someone criticizes them or doesn’t treat them like they’re special, they don’t just disagree—they take it as a deep insult. They feel like they’ve been wronged in the worst way. “How dare someone question me?” they think.
Because of this, they often hold a grudge. They stay angry at the person who didn’t see their “greatness” or dared to call them out. They’ll talk about it for a long time, complain to others, and try to prove that they were right all along.
Even though narcissists act like nothing can touch them, the truth is there are things they never really get over. Being exposed, losing control, not being admired, or not being treated like the best—these things really get to them. They may look confident on the outside, but underneath, they’re struggling with deep insecurities and hurts they carry for a long time—just like anyone else.
Read More: Only a Super Empath Can Destroy A Narcissist, Here’s How!
Sharing Is Caring!
